tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-79962372732037567662024-03-13T05:16:24.642-06:00bee babblekerryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07383500493110949067noreply@blogger.comBlogger19125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7996237273203756766.post-14012593068058921872010-12-03T13:29:00.006-07:002010-12-03T13:51:15.035-07:00i'm baaaack!ok, so, SO much has happened since i've blogged last. i've stayed away from posting new stuff because i didn't know how to 're-start' since i can't recap EVERYTHING in one post! so, after some wise advice from my mother...'start where you are today'. so, here i am, starting from where i am today. yay!<br /><br />but i WILL give you a VERY QUICK recap:<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_IvwNglmkkaY/TPlW-iyuFuI/AAAAAAAAAD8/oXamqvEkank/s1600/rockstarcaleb.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_IvwNglmkkaY/TPlW-iyuFuI/AAAAAAAAAD8/oXamqvEkank/s320/rockstarcaleb.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5546560048574895842" /></a><br /><br />caleb is in preschool and LOVING it! he is doing great and has some great new friendships too. preschool is awesome!<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_IvwNglmkkaY/TPlWn6u7pOI/AAAAAAAAAD0/dIHUYTOJdiQ/s1600/maisie.dawn.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_IvwNglmkkaY/TPlWn6u7pOI/AAAAAAAAAD0/dIHUYTOJdiQ/s320/maisie.dawn.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5546559659864466658" /></a><br /><br /><br />our sweet girl maisie was born august 4th and we are loving every moment! she is a doll. she is healthy, happy and such a blessing (as each of my kids are!). and i CAN'T believe that she'll be 4 months old tomorrow! where has the time gone?<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_IvwNglmkkaY/TPlX6SRXUcI/AAAAAAAAAEM/3bxr6VDY6-Y/s1600/jeffmo.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_IvwNglmkkaY/TPlX6SRXUcI/AAAAAAAAAEM/3bxr6VDY6-Y/s320/jeffmo.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5546561074932175298" /></a><br /><br />jeff participated in <a href="http://us.movember.com/">Movember</a>. i think the picture speaks for itself. for real though, i love that he did it. the lip sweater is gone now though. bye bye mo! see you next year?<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_IvwNglmkkaY/TPlXTCPcH5I/AAAAAAAAAEE/TY0kuaLlzFM/s1600/holiday.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 151px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_IvwNglmkkaY/TPlXTCPcH5I/AAAAAAAAAEE/TY0kuaLlzFM/s320/holiday.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5546560400614236050" /></a><br /><br />another big thing for me, i started as an independent consultant with <a href="http://www.mythirtyone.com/kerryboutwell">Thirty-One gifts</a>! i LOVE LOVE LOVE it! i started because i wanted to be home with the kids, but still wanted to contribute a little financially to my family...maybe pay for groceries each month. it's become so much more! i love what i do and what i sell. i love that i work for a faith based company that really cares about it's team. i am super blessed to be apart of Thirty-One! come check out <a href="http://www.mythirtyone.com/kerryboutwell">my website</a> to see more! <br /><br />i hope this the first of MANY new posts and updates about our little family.kerryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07383500493110949067noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7996237273203756766.post-58040136402212323932010-04-29T00:00:00.001-06:002010-04-29T00:00:07.321-06:00one year.<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_IvwNglmkkaY/S9kL1ZnE1AI/AAAAAAAAAC8/FyOuv66b96A/s1600/Boutwell09-0002-325-Edit.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 320px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_IvwNglmkkaY/S9kL1ZnE1AI/AAAAAAAAAC8/FyOuv66b96A/s320/Boutwell09-0002-325-Edit.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5465412634826560514" /></a><br /><br /><br />one year. wow. one year ago we said goodbye and hello in one breath to our sweet sadie grace. i still can't believe it sometimes. we went to the cemetary last night to visit her grave. i said to jeff on the way, 'this is so weird. i never thought we'd be doing this.' but we did. sadie is a part of our lives, a part of our stories, a part of who we are and who God desires us to be. <br /><br />this year has been a rollarcoaster of emotions, as has this week. each day i think about what i was doing...what i was feeling...what was going on this time last year. i've felt sad, panicked and scared. i've also felt peace, joy and God's unfailing love.<br /><br />there is a song that i love. LOVE. there is a cool story behind it, about why and how it was written (which i won't get into here). david crowder band has recently covered it on their new album, 'church music'. it's called 'how he loves'. this song has been in my heart, on my lips and it's truth ringing in my ears all week. we sang it on the way to the cemetary. it talks of how much God loves us...and illustrates the love of God that i am continually overwhelmed by...daily. <br /><br /><object width="480" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/2FxaUYjRtkc&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/2FxaUYjRtkc&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="385"></embed></object><br /><br />not only does God love us...He loves our sadie more than we do or can. it's amazing to me. He's holding her close and loving on her right now.<br /><br />knowing how much God loves us and loves sadie is SO comforting...it brings me hope and peace. but you know i totally still miss her. i wish she could have come home with us. i wonder about what she would look like now, what her smile would look like or how she would laugh. i wish i could hold her, one more time. and i will. just not here.<br /><br />oh how we miss you sweet girl and love you so much!kerryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07383500493110949067noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7996237273203756766.post-31210552835042153042010-03-16T19:15:00.004-06:002010-03-16T19:26:47.994-06:00marked by loveok, so i love <a href="http://lisaleonardonline.com/blog">lisa leonard</a>. i love her jewelry...i love her blog design AND she's a pretty cool chick. you should read her blog...just saying. well, this talented lady has joined forces with <a href="http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com/">angie smith</a>, who is pretty stinkin' amazing and inspiring herself, i might add, to design a necklace to honor the babies that are no longer with us. angie's daughter audrey spent a short time on this earth and angie has blogged about their journey...the good, the hard...and the extra hard.<br /><br />WELL, doo doo doo doot! here it is...<br /><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_IvwNglmkkaY/S6AuR5u7T0I/AAAAAAAAAC0/rcRnRGVGlek/s1600-h/marked-by-love-audreys-necklace-custom-hand-stamped-jewelry.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 222px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_IvwNglmkkaY/S6AuR5u7T0I/AAAAAAAAAC0/rcRnRGVGlek/s320/marked-by-love-audreys-necklace-custom-hand-stamped-jewelry.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5449406434208599874" /></a><br /><br />gorgeous and wonderful, right?<br />i love it. another cool thing about it is that lisa is giving away TWO of these beauties!! check it out and enter on her <a href="http://lisaleonardonline.com/blog">blog</a>.<br /><br />i know my chances are slim to none to win, but hey, it's worth a shot!<br /><br />i want one.kerryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07383500493110949067noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7996237273203756766.post-29222491234212263532010-02-03T09:54:00.004-07:002010-02-03T10:09:15.579-07:00i'm pregnant!<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_IvwNglmkkaY/S2msYLDJUUI/AAAAAAAAACs/qRTB0SXvjwI/s1600-h/ultrasounddoodle1.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 243px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_IvwNglmkkaY/S2msYLDJUUI/AAAAAAAAACs/qRTB0SXvjwI/s320/ultrasounddoodle1.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5434063956682035522" /></a><br />we officially announced it to the world of facebook on monday night(our family has known since the beginning)! i'm pregnant! the baby, or as caleb has so lovingly named and has been calling him/her, "doodle". doodle is due on august 11th. <br /><br />we couldn't be more excited! ecstatic! overjoyed!! that excitement is blended with a side of anxiety though, i must admit. i never have had the fears i have been having in my previous pregnancies...i hate that my i have lost my innocence. most people feel like they are in the "safety zone" after they hit the second trimester. now, i recongnize, that something can happen at any point. it's scary, yes, but it also helps me to continually hold this child up to the Lord, knowing doodle is His and i am priveleged to be doodle's momma as long as God wants me to be. i must confess, i'm praying we can bring this baby home with us and can share life with doodle for a long long time.<br /><br />this child, just like my other two, is a complete blessing! when i found out i was pregnant, i fell on my knees and cried out (really, i CRIED OUT) with JOY to the Lord. He is SO Good and His mercies are NEW every morning. i know He'll carry us through each step of this journey. He has also surrounded us by an AMAZING amount of prayer warriors who are lifting us and this little bambino up to God...our, and this baby's, Creator.<br /><br />i gotta say, i think doodle's a cutie pie already! the picture above was taken at my first trimester screen appointment this past monday (being high risk has some perks i guess! more ultrasounds!). one of the fun things from the ultrasound (besides seeing this baby, and a strong heartbeat) was how much of a wiggler doodle is! just like caleb and sadie. i guess we just have wiggley babies!kerryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07383500493110949067noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7996237273203756766.post-43356047909251176522009-10-15T00:00:00.000-06:002009-10-15T00:00:04.386-06:00Remembering...October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Rememberance Day. It's a special day set aside to remember our babies that aren't here with us anymore. Today I remember my <a href="http://beemommybabble.blogspot.com/2009/05/two-weeks.html">Sadie</a>. I am also thinking about my sweet nephew <a href="http://dawnsgoodlife.blogspot.com/2009/09/i-havent-held-him-for-decade.html">Aidan</a> and my close friend Marceline's baby <a href="http://reaganisourjoy.blogspot.com/">Reagan</a>.<br /><br /><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_IvwNglmkkaY/StacjL67ZEI/AAAAAAAAACg/wtMJFjjF1CQ/s1600-h/candle2.JPG"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 240px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 320px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5392669732132054082" border="0" alt="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_IvwNglmkkaY/StacjL67ZEI/AAAAAAAAACg/wtMJFjjF1CQ/s320/candle2.JPG" /></a><br /><br />Something to do to remember babies that are special to you is to light a candle in their honor and to remember them. They say that if you light a candle at 7pm in your time zone and keep it lit for an hour, there will be wave of light across the world for the whole day. I'll be lighting a candle for Sadie, Aidan and Reagan. We miss you sweet ones and will hold you in our hearts and remember you and your impact on us forever.kerryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07383500493110949067noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7996237273203756766.post-52190082027175262662009-09-17T12:54:00.004-06:002009-09-23T19:12:13.221-06:00awayfirst of all, i am a terrible blogger. it is decidedly so.<br /><br />secondly, and the reason for this post...is that my wonderful husband and i were able to get away for an evening together without caleb! we went up to denver on friday afternoon. we checked into the hyatt place and went off to dinner and a movie. A REAL DATE!!! we went to california pizza kitchen and then off to see '500 days of summer'. neither of us had any expectations for that movie. but i REALLY liked it!! i'd see it again in a heartbeat. on the way home from the theater we stopped at the cheesecake factory and picked up a piece of white chocolate raspberry cheesecake to take back to the hotel with us. can i get a "yum yum"? it was heaven in my mouth and i enjoyed every bite. (i'm drooling right now thinking about it!) let's just take a moment and reflect on it's awesomeness.<br /><br />*moment*<br /><br />the next day, jeff and i went to REI and just took our time and wandered the store. that does NOT happen normally when we have an active three year old in tow! they were actually having a mini garage sale for REI members while we were there. so, being the responsible REI members we are, we had to check out the fun stuff they had for a bargain. and a bargain we found!! jeff scored a pair of $140 shoes for $5!! that's right, $5!!! they were worn once and whoever had them didn't like how they fit, so he returned them. since they were worn, they couldn't re-sell them on the floor. they only had the one pair, in the one size...and it was jeff's!! that made his day!<br /><br />we did some more wandering around park meadows mall...which we loved...and then found our way home.<br /><br />i'm SO thankful to my sister <a href="http://dawnsgoodlife.blogspot.com/">dawn</a> and her family for taking caleb friday night and my mom and dad who had him saturday. we wouldn't have been able to escape for our overnight without them! THANK YOU!<br /><br />i know it probably doesn't sound like much...but jeff and i were able to have some time to just be together...with no interruptions...and just reconnect and love on each other. we needed it.<br /><br />now, i look forward to another escape...with <a href="http://dawnsgoodlife.blogspot.com/">my sissy </a>and my mommy to Denver to attend Women of Faith this weekend. YAY! can i just say i'm SO looking forward to it? i pretty much know that God wants me there this weekend. i can't wait!<br /><br />WOOT!kerryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07383500493110949067noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7996237273203756766.post-70478589893557304202009-08-27T10:04:00.003-06:002009-08-27T10:17:09.254-06:00Wonderful Merciful Savior...CANCER FREE!! YIPEEEEE! God is Good. Satan was telling me lies...like, if God loved you, He wouldn't have taken Sadie away...so why would he prevent this too? i know those are lies...God has proven His love for me. it's bigger than my understanding of events, trials, difficulties or circumstances. He is walking with me as i grieve my Sadie, and has made His presence known over and over and over and over. He loves me. <br /><br />now, i understand that bad things can happen to those who love the Lord...so i knew i wasn't immune to a cancer diagnosis...but God chose to rescue me from that path at this point in my life. i feel covered in His mercy...and i am SO grateful! my heart is full of praise!<br /><br />I have been in love with this song since my sister <a href="http://dawnsgoodlife.blogspot.com/">dawn</a> shared it with me. it is SO worshipful...and my heart has been singing it all morning!! if i had more throat power, i'd be belting it out too!!<br /><br />God is Holy.<br /><br /><embed height="270" name="tangle" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" align="middle" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" width="330" src="http://www.tangle.com/flash/swf/flvplayer.swf" flashvars="viewkey=c455e06ebd06647fc4de" wmode="transparent" quality="high" allowscriptaccess="always"></embed><br /><br />Worthy is the, Lamb who was slain<br />Holy, Holy, is He<br />Sing a new song, to him who sits on<br />Heaven's mercy seat<br /><br />Holy, Holy, Holy<br />Is the Lord God Almighty<br />Who was, and is, and is to come<br />With all creation I sing<br />Praise to the King of Kings<br />You are my everything<br />And I will adore You<br /><br />Clothed in rainbows, of living color<br />Flashes of lightning, rolls of thunder<br />Blessing and honor, strength and glory and power be<br />to You the only wise King<br /><br />Holy, Holy, Holy<br />Is the Lord God Almighty<br />Who was, and is, and is to come<br />With all creation I sing<br />Praise to the King of Kings<br />You are my everything<br />And I will adore You<br /><br />Filled with wonder, awestruck wonder<br />At the mention of your name<br />Jesus your name is power<br />Breath, and living water<br />Such a marvelous mystery<br />Yeah...<br /><br />Holy, Holy, Holy<br />Is the Lord God Almighty<br />Who was, and is, and is to come, yeah<br />With all creation I sing<br />Praise to the King of Kings<br />You are my everything<br />And I will adore Youkerryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07383500493110949067noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7996237273203756766.post-6217942332084384432009-08-20T17:44:00.003-06:002009-08-20T18:00:48.020-06:00here we go...well, i'm not sure where to start.<br />i guess i'll start with this...i have a thing on my tonsil. it's nasty. gross. disgusting in fact. i had it checked because i've had it for about 2 months (that i've noticed anyway). well, i was referred to an ENT (ear nose and throat doc). he looked. he tried to feel it. he got his crazy camera that went up my nose and down my throat to get a better look. he got a look. he can't decide if it's nothing or something. by nothing, i mean, nothing to worry about, at all. by something, i mean cancer. WHAT? he wants to take out my tonsil in order to do a biopsy. he can't tell what it is if he can't get a biopsy. in order to get a biopsy, he has to take out my tonsil. SO, tomorrow morning at 10:30 am, i'll be put under and have my tonsil removed.<br />i'll find out in a week (or hopefully less) if it's nothing, or something.<br />please pray that tomorrow goes smoothely. i hate the idea of having surgery. i hate the idea of cancer.<br />i don't want my mind to go further...so i'm going to be done with this...<br />please pray for us!! <br />sometimes God rescues us from, sometimes he walks with us through...i'm praying for a rescue.kerryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07383500493110949067noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7996237273203756766.post-69009285772579149832009-07-29T16:07:00.003-06:002009-07-29T16:16:51.580-06:003 months3 months today...missing you my sweet Sadie. oh how i wish i could hold you again. i'm so glad you are safe in the arms of Jesus experiencing the fullness and completeness of His love.<br /><br /><br /><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_IvwNglmkkaY/SnDJP_QzoCI/AAAAAAAAABw/vzZNB1obykE/s1600-h/Boutwell09-0002-128-Edit.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5364008432715407394" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 214px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_IvwNglmkkaY/SnDJP_QzoCI/AAAAAAAAABw/vzZNB1obykE/s320/Boutwell09-0002-128-Edit.jpg" border="0" /></a>kerryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07383500493110949067noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7996237273203756766.post-31755025103078729712009-07-23T16:00:00.008-06:002009-07-23T19:39:09.625-06:00counting on Godi love this song. i'm totally counting on God...and He is faithful.<br /><br />this is by desperation band, from new life church.<br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/JIjAp6biOSo&hl=en&fs=1&rel=0"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/JIjAp6biOSo&hl=en&fs=1&rel=0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br />I'm in a fight not physical<br />And I'm in a war<br />But not with this world<br />You are the light that's beautiful<br />And I want more<br />I want all that's Yours<br /><br />Joy unspeakable that won't go away<br />And just enough strength To live for today<br />So I never have to worry<br />What tomorrow will bring<br />'Cause my faith is on solid rock<br />I am counting on God<br /><br />I am counting on<br />I am counting on God<br /><br />The miracle of Christ in me<br />Is the mystery that sets me free<br />I'm nothing like I used to be<br />Open up your eyes you'll seekerryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07383500493110949067noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7996237273203756766.post-64885130879493948702009-06-30T15:21:00.005-06:002009-06-30T22:25:11.261-06:00potty training 101<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_IvwNglmkkaY/Skrkf1oB-2I/AAAAAAAAABo/0O9hkWPF_t4/s1600-h/DSC05701.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5353342342705314658" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 240px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 320px" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_IvwNglmkkaY/Skrkf1oB-2I/AAAAAAAAABo/0O9hkWPF_t4/s320/DSC05701.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div>so we decided that this is the summer that we will potty train <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">caleb</span>. </div><br /><div>actually, it really wasn't a choice. he started reacting to something in his diapers and would get a rash if he wore them for an extended amount of time. (and i don't mean only 1 diaper all day!) </div><br /><div>SO...big boy underpants, here we come!</div><br /><div>he actually is doing quite well i think. just a few accidents in the beginning...but now...he's standing up going pee pee in the potty like a big boy and he's rocking the boxer briefs.</div><br /><div></div><div>a couple of things happened today that made me smile at his progress!! we were in <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">walmart</span> doing our weekly trip for groceries,etc. and we're in the checkout line...all of our items on the belt...and i hear a little voice from the cart say...'momma, i have to pee pee.' well. what a <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">conundrum</span>. what's a mom to do? do i leave the check out line and get him to the potty ASAP? or do i just let him go in his pants (he did have a <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">pull up</span> on mind you)? i took the easy way out and said, 'listen honey, if you can hold it, we'll go to the potty after we check out and pay.' all the while thinking...he'll just pee in his pull up.</div><br /><div>we went through a L O N G process at checkout with coupons, price adjustments and slow bagging. and sure enough...the boy held it. i had assumed he didn't and started to head to the door... and once again i hear that little voice...</div><br /><div>'momma, i have to go pee pee now.' </div><br /><div>'did you hold it honey?'</div><br /><div>'yes.'</div><br /><div>so we bolted to the restroom, run into a stall...i pulled off his <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">pull up</span> and shorts...stuck him on the potty and...</div><br /><div>TA DA!! he did it. i was beaming.</div><br /><div>then, to top off my proudness (i know, not a word, but i like it) we got home and after unloading the packages, eating lunch and playing with some cars...</div><br /><div>'momma, i have to go poo poo'. </div><br /><div>now this is an area of challenge for <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">caleb</span>. last week, he pooped in his underpants twice. </div><div>TWICE, in like, two days. OY.</div><br /><div>back to the story.</div><div></div><div>off to the potty.</div><div>sure enough...my son, once again in the same day, impressed me!! he did it!</div><br /><div>such a big boy.</div><br /><div>jellybeans were the treat of choice. he deserved each one. and if it wasn't coming up on naptime...i would have given him more.</div>kerryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07383500493110949067noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7996237273203756766.post-72206841080399608522009-06-14T23:13:00.005-06:002009-06-14T23:31:59.057-06:00rainbowsso we've had a lot of rain here in colorado. the beauty of it raining out here is that it tends to be raining and yet the sun is shining at the same time. so that means, tons of rainbows! not just a little glimmer of a rainbow...but FULL rainbows...double rainbows...triple rainbows!!! the past week, i think i've seen these amazing rainbows on three different occasions.<br /><br /><br />when i see rainbows, i think of beauty during a storm. i also think of God's promise of His faithfulness.<br /><br /><br />now, these rainbows i've had the pleasure of seeing this past week i can see from the back of my house. as i look at these awesome rainbows, guess what is at the center of these rainbows? and i mean smack dab in the middle? the hospital where i delivered sadie.<br /><br /><br />it's like God is saying to me...look kerry, i can bring beauty from this storm you're going through. I am faithful. Good memories will be made at that hospital.<br /><br />and it makes me smile.<br /><br /><br /><br /><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5347421933244206018" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 131px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_IvwNglmkkaY/SjXb6psnS8I/AAAAAAAAABg/QWjVgkg9vgo/s320/Rainbow_6-3-09.jpg" border="0" /><br /><p></p>(that big building in the middle is the hospital...i know it's hard to see!)<br /><p> </p><p> </p>kerryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07383500493110949067noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7996237273203756766.post-9885601850474528052009-06-13T10:19:00.010-06:002009-07-23T19:40:00.357-06:00my glory babybeen thinking a lot about sadie these past couple of days. i've been remembering her, missing her and praising God for her...even when i don't understand.<br /><br />those who know me, know that i LOVE music. i'm very affected by it. very. my emotions get entangled with certain songs and whenever i hear them, they bring me back to a certain time, a certain place and the emotions i was feeling at that time.<br /><br />at sadie's memorial service, good friends of ours performed 'glory baby' by watermark. this song will always remind me of sadie and bring back all of my complex emotions i'm feeling during this time of grief and of the time i got to spend with my sweet girl on this earth. it also reminds me of the truth that jeff and i have been holding on to. i think the lyrics explain it so well...<br /><br /><strong></strong><br /><strong>Glory Baby</strong> by Watermark<br /><br />Glory baby you slipped away as fast as we could say baby…baby..<br />You were growing, what happened dear? You disappeared on us baby…baby..<br />Heaven will hold you before we do Heaven will keep you safe until we’re home with you…<br />Until we’re home with you…<br /><br />Miss you everyday<br />Miss you in every way<br />But we know there’s a day when we will hold you<br />We will hold you<br />You’ll kiss our tears away<br />When we’re home to stay<br />Can’t wait for the day when we will see you<br />We will see you<br /><br />But baby let sweet Jesus hold you ‘till mom and dad can hold you…<br />You’ll just have heaven before we do<br />You’ll just have heaven before we do<br /><br />Sweet little babies, it’s hard to understand it ‘cause we’re hurting<br />We are hurting<br />But there is healing<br />And we know we’re stronger people through the growing<br />And in knowing- That all things work together for our good<br />And God works His purposes just like He said He would…<br />Just like He said He would…<br /><br />BRIDGE:<br />I can’t imagine heaven’s lullabies<br />and what they must sound like<br />But I will rest in knowing, heaven is your home<br />And it’s all you’ll ever know…all you’ll ever knowkerryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07383500493110949067noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7996237273203756766.post-44639189248430922032009-06-04T17:35:00.003-06:002009-06-04T19:29:02.043-06:00reality tv...it's a weaknesspart of me hates reality tv. the part of me that misses straight-up sitcoms with the laugh tracks, cheesy jokes and the slow music at the end of the show to point out the moral lesson.<br /><br />then there is the part of me that gets hooked on the made up drama that is edited 'just so' to make every participant look like the character the producers want to portray. the part of me that wants 'a nobody' to become 'somebody'...even if it is tied to an overly dramatic rose ceremony.<br /><br />currently the reality shows i'm hooked on are 'the bachelorette' (which i'll address another time) and 'so you think you can dance'.<br /><br />i just can't seem to help myself.<br /><br />i'm so excited that tonight, we'll get to watch 20 'nobodys' get launched into the spotlight as the top 20 dancers. it makes me wish i could dance like that. my husband doesn't like to watch the show because one of the judges, mary, drives him CRAZY every time she screams/squeals/screeches when she likes what she sees on the dance floor. so i usually put my son to bed, bust out the DVR, curl up and watch my guilty pleasure. usually there is also ice cream involved.<br /><br />stay tuned and i'll post my faves. cause i always have faves.kerryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07383500493110949067noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7996237273203756766.post-75309908805705749142009-05-30T16:40:00.005-06:002009-05-30T16:50:45.590-06:00full of HOPEi'm not sure why...but i feel this great sense of anticipation. a sense that something good is going to happen. i have NO idea what that may look like...or what form that 'good' will take...but i feel like something good is coming.<br /><br />i feel hopeful...and i like it.kerryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07383500493110949067noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7996237273203756766.post-57080514416778674222009-05-29T07:36:00.000-06:002009-05-29T07:46:21.309-06:00happy birthday sweet girl!<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_IvwNglmkkaY/Sh8SbB698SI/AAAAAAAAABY/p_zzxGEpRyc/s1600-h/Boutwell09-0002-114-Edit.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5341007938666230050" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 214px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 320px" alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_IvwNglmkkaY/Sh8SbB698SI/AAAAAAAAABY/p_zzxGEpRyc/s320/Boutwell09-0002-114-Edit.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><div>we miss you sadie.</div>kerryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07383500493110949067noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7996237273203756766.post-41663476935543075272009-05-28T16:24:00.002-06:002009-05-28T16:46:03.703-06:00beyond understandingthis could have really been an amazingly TOUGH week.<br /><br />but i've felt totally covered in prayer. i have felt God's presence and peace in a fresh way each day. i've definitely dealt with sadness and crying, but i have also had peace.<br />the peace that only God can give you.<br /><br />the 21st was sadie's due date.<br />the 22nd, some good friends of ours from our small group had their baby girl. i imagined our two girls growing up together.<br />the 24th was my nephew's birthday (it would have been his 10th birthday, he died when he was 4 months old).<br />the 27th was one month from the last time i felt sadie move.<br />and tomorrow, the 29th, is one month after sadie's birthday.<br /><br />so much to think about, to feel emotional about (which i do, don't get me wrong)...but i have also been overwhelmed by God.<br /><br />His presence.<br />His love.<br />His mercy.<br />His grace.<br />His gifts.<br />His people.<br />His peace.<br /><br />wow.<br /><br />His love for <strong>us</strong> is SO great.<br />His love for <strong>sadie</strong> is SO great.<br />His love for <strong>me</strong> is SO great.kerryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07383500493110949067noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7996237273203756766.post-10345143637236062942009-05-18T14:38:00.002-06:002009-05-29T23:29:50.771-06:00sunshinethe last few weeks, as we have been dealing with the shock of losing sadie and grieving, the weather here has been mirroring our emotions it seems.<br /><br />as we left the hospital the night we went to the birth center and found out that our little sadie went to heaven, the fog was SO thick, we couldn't see very far in front of us at all, maybe 1oo feet at best as we drove home.<br /><br />the days following, we had a bunch of gray cold days (for this time of year anyway!)...sometimes the sun would peak out for a little bit, shining it's rays down on us. sometimes we didn't always see it or feel it, but it was there.<br /><br />today is full out sunny and warm.<br /><br />my grieving started out foggy, thick and hard to see past...but there were glimmers of sunlight and hope sprinkled in. today's sunshine gives me a little picture of what's ahead...of what is to come.<br /><br />what it boils down to is that my Jesus gives me hope.<br />He will continue to give me hope...TRUE hope...and what i need to get through each day...my manna. He is here. He is with me. He is holding me and i will seek Him and be held under His wing.<br /><br />how i feel is different each day...sometimes each hour...but i have my glimmers of sunlight. i know i will have days of <strong>sunshine</strong>...AND i know i will have <strong>stormy</strong> days, gray and wet and hard. but i have hope knowing i will see the sun again. i have hope knowing that the Son is with me.<br /><br />and someday, i will see my sadie again as we bask in the light of the Lord in heaven together.kerryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07383500493110949067noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7996237273203756766.post-80526050496253456092009-05-13T10:50:00.000-06:002009-05-13T11:16:48.388-06:00two weeks...that's how long it's been since i held my baby girl, sadie grace, in my arms. i held her for 37 weeks in my womb...until we were shocked to find out that sadie had died.<br /><br />let me back up...monday, april 27th, was like any other day. i got up, got my 2 1/2 year old up and ready for the day and felt sadie moving around like her active self. i went to work...another normal day. we went out to dinner that night and i realized that i hadn't felt sadie move in awhile, which was weird because she seemed to be moving ALL the time. so as time went on, i told my husband and shared my concern that i hadn't felt sadie move in awhile. we decided it was probably nothing. after putting my son to bed i started to get more concerned. sadie was most active around 9:30-10:00 pm. i felt nothing. i decided to go to bed, knowing that sadie ALWAYS gets going as i'm trying to wind down and go to sleep. i got to bed...nothing. i started to cry.<br /><br />we decided to call the doctor's office. they advised me to do a kick count. if i didn't feel her kick/move 6 times in an hour, i needed to go to the birth center. so i laid down, ate a candy bar and waited. 5 minutes...nothing. 10 minutes...nothing. 30 minutes...nothing. 1 hour...nothing. we called my mom to come and stay at the house with my son so we could go.<br /><br />in my heart of hearts i knew what was going on. i HOPED we would get to the birth center and they would say, 'kerry, she's in distress, let's do a c-section tonight and get her out of distress'. instead...they couldn't find sadie's heartbeat. not with the doppler...not with the ultrasound...<br />our sweet sadie was gone.<br />my husband bawled.<br />i could only say, 'what is going on?' 'how is this happening?'<br />we were given our options.<br /><br />we decided to come back wednesday, the 29th to have a scheduled c-section to deliver sadie.<br />to meet our little girl face to face.<br />this wasn't the way it was supposed to be.<br /><br />that was two weeks ago today.<br /><br />we held our little girl in our arms. we kissed her. we snuggled with her. we loved on her.<br /><br />she was perfect. 7 lbs. 4 oz. 21 inches of perfect.<br /><br />what happened? the doctors couldn't tell us. our family and friends couldn't tell us. only One knows what happened and why.<br /><br />i miss my sadie grace. she is now being held in the arms of Jesus.<br />as a good friend said, 'she gets to experience the fullness of God without interruption.'<br />she never had to cry. she never experienced this evil world.<br />if i can't hold her and raise her and nuture her anymore...i'm so thankful she is being held and loved and nutured by the God who created her. the God who loves her, even more than i do.<br /><br />two weeks. seems like forever.<br />i miss you sadie.<br />i wish i could kiss your nose and sweet red two lips.kerryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07383500493110949067noreply@blogger.com0