Wonderful Merciful Savior...

CANCER FREE!! YIPEEEEE! God is Good. Satan was telling me lies...like, if God loved you, He wouldn't have taken Sadie away...so why would he prevent this too? i know those are lies...God has proven His love for me. it's bigger than my understanding of events, trials, difficulties or circumstances. He is walking with me as i grieve my Sadie, and has made His presence known over and over and over and over. He loves me.

now, i understand that bad things can happen to those who love the Lord...so i knew i wasn't immune to a cancer diagnosis...but God chose to rescue me from that path at this point in my life. i feel covered in His mercy...and i am SO grateful! my heart is full of praise!

I have been in love with this song since my sister dawn shared it with me. it is SO worshipful...and my heart has been singing it all morning!! if i had more throat power, i'd be belting it out too!!

God is Holy.



Worthy is the, Lamb who was slain
Holy, Holy, is He
Sing a new song, to him who sits on
Heaven's mercy seat

Holy, Holy, Holy
Is the Lord God Almighty
Who was, and is, and is to come
With all creation I sing
Praise to the King of Kings
You are my everything
And I will adore You

Clothed in rainbows, of living color
Flashes of lightning, rolls of thunder
Blessing and honor, strength and glory and power be
to You the only wise King

Holy, Holy, Holy
Is the Lord God Almighty
Who was, and is, and is to come
With all creation I sing
Praise to the King of Kings
You are my everything
And I will adore You

Filled with wonder, awestruck wonder
At the mention of your name
Jesus your name is power
Breath, and living water
Such a marvelous mystery
Yeah...

Holy, Holy, Holy
Is the Lord God Almighty
Who was, and is, and is to come, yeah
With all creation I sing
Praise to the King of Kings
You are my everything
And I will adore You

here we go...

well, i'm not sure where to start.
i guess i'll start with this...i have a thing on my tonsil. it's nasty. gross. disgusting in fact. i had it checked because i've had it for about 2 months (that i've noticed anyway). well, i was referred to an ENT (ear nose and throat doc). he looked. he tried to feel it. he got his crazy camera that went up my nose and down my throat to get a better look. he got a look. he can't decide if it's nothing or something. by nothing, i mean, nothing to worry about, at all. by something, i mean cancer. WHAT? he wants to take out my tonsil in order to do a biopsy. he can't tell what it is if he can't get a biopsy. in order to get a biopsy, he has to take out my tonsil. SO, tomorrow morning at 10:30 am, i'll be put under and have my tonsil removed.
i'll find out in a week (or hopefully less) if it's nothing, or something.
please pray that tomorrow goes smoothely. i hate the idea of having surgery. i hate the idea of cancer.
i don't want my mind to go further...so i'm going to be done with this...
please pray for us!!
sometimes God rescues us from, sometimes he walks with us through...i'm praying for a rescue.

3 months

3 months today...missing you my sweet Sadie. oh how i wish i could hold you again. i'm so glad you are safe in the arms of Jesus experiencing the fullness and completeness of His love.

counting on God

i love this song. i'm totally counting on God...and He is faithful.

this is by desperation band, from new life church.



I'm in a fight not physical
And I'm in a war
But not with this world
You are the light that's beautiful
And I want more
I want all that's Yours

Joy unspeakable that won't go away
And just enough strength To live for today
So I never have to worry
What tomorrow will bring
'Cause my faith is on solid rock
I am counting on God

I am counting on
I am counting on God

The miracle of Christ in me
Is the mystery that sets me free
I'm nothing like I used to be
Open up your eyes you'll see

potty training 101

so we decided that this is the summer that we will potty train caleb.

actually, it really wasn't a choice. he started reacting to something in his diapers and would get a rash if he wore them for an extended amount of time. (and i don't mean only 1 diaper all day!)

SO...big boy underpants, here we come!

he actually is doing quite well i think. just a few accidents in the beginning...but now...he's standing up going pee pee in the potty like a big boy and he's rocking the boxer briefs.

a couple of things happened today that made me smile at his progress!! we were in walmart doing our weekly trip for groceries,etc. and we're in the checkout line...all of our items on the belt...and i hear a little voice from the cart say...'momma, i have to pee pee.' well. what a conundrum. what's a mom to do? do i leave the check out line and get him to the potty ASAP? or do i just let him go in his pants (he did have a pull up on mind you)? i took the easy way out and said, 'listen honey, if you can hold it, we'll go to the potty after we check out and pay.' all the while thinking...he'll just pee in his pull up.

we went through a L O N G process at checkout with coupons, price adjustments and slow bagging. and sure enough...the boy held it. i had assumed he didn't and started to head to the door... and once again i hear that little voice...

'momma, i have to go pee pee now.'

'did you hold it honey?'

'yes.'

so we bolted to the restroom, run into a stall...i pulled off his pull up and shorts...stuck him on the potty and...

TA DA!! he did it. i was beaming.

then, to top off my proudness (i know, not a word, but i like it) we got home and after unloading the packages, eating lunch and playing with some cars...

'momma, i have to go poo poo'.

now this is an area of challenge for caleb. last week, he pooped in his underpants twice.

TWICE, in like, two days. OY.

back to the story.

off to the potty.

sure enough...my son, once again in the same day, impressed me!! he did it!

such a big boy.

jellybeans were the treat of choice. he deserved each one. and if it wasn't coming up on naptime...i would have given him more.

rainbows

so we've had a lot of rain here in colorado. the beauty of it raining out here is that it tends to be raining and yet the sun is shining at the same time. so that means, tons of rainbows! not just a little glimmer of a rainbow...but FULL rainbows...double rainbows...triple rainbows!!! the past week, i think i've seen these amazing rainbows on three different occasions.


when i see rainbows, i think of beauty during a storm. i also think of God's promise of His faithfulness.


now, these rainbows i've had the pleasure of seeing this past week i can see from the back of my house. as i look at these awesome rainbows, guess what is at the center of these rainbows? and i mean smack dab in the middle? the hospital where i delivered sadie.


it's like God is saying to me...look kerry, i can bring beauty from this storm you're going through. I am faithful. Good memories will be made at that hospital.

and it makes me smile.

(that big building in the middle is the hospital...i know it's hard to see!)

my glory baby

been thinking a lot about sadie these past couple of days. i've been remembering her, missing her and praising God for her...even when i don't understand.

those who know me, know that i LOVE music. i'm very affected by it. very. my emotions get entangled with certain songs and whenever i hear them, they bring me back to a certain time, a certain place and the emotions i was feeling at that time.

at sadie's memorial service, good friends of ours performed 'glory baby' by watermark. this song will always remind me of sadie and bring back all of my complex emotions i'm feeling during this time of grief and of the time i got to spend with my sweet girl on this earth. it also reminds me of the truth that jeff and i have been holding on to. i think the lyrics explain it so well...


Glory Baby by Watermark

Glory baby you slipped away as fast as we could say baby…baby..
You were growing, what happened dear? You disappeared on us baby…baby..
Heaven will hold you before we do Heaven will keep you safe until we’re home with you…
Until we’re home with you…

Miss you everyday
Miss you in every way
But we know there’s a day when we will hold you
We will hold you
You’ll kiss our tears away
When we’re home to stay
Can’t wait for the day when we will see you
We will see you

But baby let sweet Jesus hold you ‘till mom and dad can hold you…
You’ll just have heaven before we do
You’ll just have heaven before we do

Sweet little babies, it’s hard to understand it ‘cause we’re hurting
We are hurting
But there is healing
And we know we’re stronger people through the growing
And in knowing- That all things work together for our good
And God works His purposes just like He said He would…
Just like He said He would…

BRIDGE:
I can’t imagine heaven’s lullabies
and what they must sound like
But I will rest in knowing, heaven is your home
And it’s all you’ll ever know…all you’ll ever know