Thursday, April 29, 2010

one year.

one year. wow. one year ago we said goodbye and hello in one breath to our sweet sadie grace. i still can't believe it sometimes. we went to the cemetary last night to visit her grave. i said to jeff on the way, 'this is so weird. i never thought we'd be doing this.' but we did. sadie is a part of our lives, a part of our stories, a part of who we are and who God desires us to be.

this year has been a rollarcoaster of emotions, as has this week. each day i think about what i was doing...what i was feeling...what was going on this time last year. i've felt sad, panicked and scared. i've also felt peace, joy and God's unfailing love.

there is a song that i love. LOVE. there is a cool story behind it, about why and how it was written (which i won't get into here). david crowder band has recently covered it on their new album, 'church music'. it's called 'how he loves'. this song has been in my heart, on my lips and it's truth ringing in my ears all week. we sang it on the way to the cemetary. it talks of how much God loves us...and illustrates the love of God that i am continually overwhelmed by...daily.

not only does God love us...He loves our sadie more than we do or can. it's amazing to me. He's holding her close and loving on her right now.

knowing how much God loves us and loves sadie is SO brings me hope and peace. but you know i totally still miss her. i wish she could have come home with us. i wonder about what she would look like now, what her smile would look like or how she would laugh. i wish i could hold her, one more time. and i will. just not here.

oh how we miss you sweet girl and love you so much!