marked by love

ok, so i love lisa leonard. i love her jewelry...i love her blog design AND she's a pretty cool chick. you should read her blog...just saying. well, this talented lady has joined forces with angie smith, who is pretty stinkin' amazing and inspiring herself, i might add, to design a necklace to honor the babies that are no longer with us. angie's daughter audrey spent a short time on this earth and angie has blogged about their journey...the good, the hard...and the extra hard.

WELL, doo doo doo doot! here it is...


gorgeous and wonderful, right?
i love it. another cool thing about it is that lisa is giving away TWO of these beauties!! check it out and enter on her blog.

i know my chances are slim to none to win, but hey, it's worth a shot!

i want one.

i'm pregnant!

we officially announced it to the world of facebook on monday night(our family has known since the beginning)! i'm pregnant! the baby, or as caleb has so lovingly named and has been calling him/her, "doodle". doodle is due on august 11th.

we couldn't be more excited! ecstatic! overjoyed!! that excitement is blended with a side of anxiety though, i must admit. i never have had the fears i have been having in my previous pregnancies...i hate that my i have lost my innocence. most people feel like they are in the "safety zone" after they hit the second trimester. now, i recongnize, that something can happen at any point. it's scary, yes, but it also helps me to continually hold this child up to the Lord, knowing doodle is His and i am priveleged to be doodle's momma as long as God wants me to be. i must confess, i'm praying we can bring this baby home with us and can share life with doodle for a long long time.

this child, just like my other two, is a complete blessing! when i found out i was pregnant, i fell on my knees and cried out (really, i CRIED OUT) with JOY to the Lord. He is SO Good and His mercies are NEW every morning. i know He'll carry us through each step of this journey. He has also surrounded us by an AMAZING amount of prayer warriors who are lifting us and this little bambino up to God...our, and this baby's, Creator.

i gotta say, i think doodle's a cutie pie already! the picture above was taken at my first trimester screen appointment this past monday (being high risk has some perks i guess! more ultrasounds!). one of the fun things from the ultrasound (besides seeing this baby, and a strong heartbeat) was how much of a wiggler doodle is! just like caleb and sadie. i guess we just have wiggley babies!

Remembering...

October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Rememberance Day. It's a special day set aside to remember our babies that aren't here with us anymore. Today I remember my Sadie. I am also thinking about my sweet nephew Aidan and my close friend Marceline's baby Reagan.



Something to do to remember babies that are special to you is to light a candle in their honor and to remember them. They say that if you light a candle at 7pm in your time zone and keep it lit for an hour, there will be wave of light across the world for the whole day. I'll be lighting a candle for Sadie, Aidan and Reagan. We miss you sweet ones and will hold you in our hearts and remember you and your impact on us forever.

away

first of all, i am a terrible blogger. it is decidedly so.

secondly, and the reason for this post...is that my wonderful husband and i were able to get away for an evening together without caleb! we went up to denver on friday afternoon. we checked into the hyatt place and went off to dinner and a movie. A REAL DATE!!! we went to california pizza kitchen and then off to see '500 days of summer'. neither of us had any expectations for that movie. but i REALLY liked it!! i'd see it again in a heartbeat. on the way home from the theater we stopped at the cheesecake factory and picked up a piece of white chocolate raspberry cheesecake to take back to the hotel with us. can i get a "yum yum"? it was heaven in my mouth and i enjoyed every bite. (i'm drooling right now thinking about it!) let's just take a moment and reflect on it's awesomeness.

*moment*

the next day, jeff and i went to REI and just took our time and wandered the store. that does NOT happen normally when we have an active three year old in tow! they were actually having a mini garage sale for REI members while we were there. so, being the responsible REI members we are, we had to check out the fun stuff they had for a bargain. and a bargain we found!! jeff scored a pair of $140 shoes for $5!! that's right, $5!!! they were worn once and whoever had them didn't like how they fit, so he returned them. since they were worn, they couldn't re-sell them on the floor. they only had the one pair, in the one size...and it was jeff's!! that made his day!

we did some more wandering around park meadows mall...which we loved...and then found our way home.

i'm SO thankful to my sister dawn and her family for taking caleb friday night and my mom and dad who had him saturday. we wouldn't have been able to escape for our overnight without them! THANK YOU!

i know it probably doesn't sound like much...but jeff and i were able to have some time to just be together...with no interruptions...and just reconnect and love on each other. we needed it.

now, i look forward to another escape...with my sissy and my mommy to Denver to attend Women of Faith this weekend. YAY! can i just say i'm SO looking forward to it? i pretty much know that God wants me there this weekend. i can't wait!

WOOT!

Wonderful Merciful Savior...

CANCER FREE!! YIPEEEEE! God is Good. Satan was telling me lies...like, if God loved you, He wouldn't have taken Sadie away...so why would he prevent this too? i know those are lies...God has proven His love for me. it's bigger than my understanding of events, trials, difficulties or circumstances. He is walking with me as i grieve my Sadie, and has made His presence known over and over and over and over. He loves me.

now, i understand that bad things can happen to those who love the Lord...so i knew i wasn't immune to a cancer diagnosis...but God chose to rescue me from that path at this point in my life. i feel covered in His mercy...and i am SO grateful! my heart is full of praise!

I have been in love with this song since my sister dawn shared it with me. it is SO worshipful...and my heart has been singing it all morning!! if i had more throat power, i'd be belting it out too!!

God is Holy.



Worthy is the, Lamb who was slain
Holy, Holy, is He
Sing a new song, to him who sits on
Heaven's mercy seat

Holy, Holy, Holy
Is the Lord God Almighty
Who was, and is, and is to come
With all creation I sing
Praise to the King of Kings
You are my everything
And I will adore You

Clothed in rainbows, of living color
Flashes of lightning, rolls of thunder
Blessing and honor, strength and glory and power be
to You the only wise King

Holy, Holy, Holy
Is the Lord God Almighty
Who was, and is, and is to come
With all creation I sing
Praise to the King of Kings
You are my everything
And I will adore You

Filled with wonder, awestruck wonder
At the mention of your name
Jesus your name is power
Breath, and living water
Such a marvelous mystery
Yeah...

Holy, Holy, Holy
Is the Lord God Almighty
Who was, and is, and is to come, yeah
With all creation I sing
Praise to the King of Kings
You are my everything
And I will adore You

here we go...

well, i'm not sure where to start.
i guess i'll start with this...i have a thing on my tonsil. it's nasty. gross. disgusting in fact. i had it checked because i've had it for about 2 months (that i've noticed anyway). well, i was referred to an ENT (ear nose and throat doc). he looked. he tried to feel it. he got his crazy camera that went up my nose and down my throat to get a better look. he got a look. he can't decide if it's nothing or something. by nothing, i mean, nothing to worry about, at all. by something, i mean cancer. WHAT? he wants to take out my tonsil in order to do a biopsy. he can't tell what it is if he can't get a biopsy. in order to get a biopsy, he has to take out my tonsil. SO, tomorrow morning at 10:30 am, i'll be put under and have my tonsil removed.
i'll find out in a week (or hopefully less) if it's nothing, or something.
please pray that tomorrow goes smoothely. i hate the idea of having surgery. i hate the idea of cancer.
i don't want my mind to go further...so i'm going to be done with this...
please pray for us!!
sometimes God rescues us from, sometimes he walks with us through...i'm praying for a rescue.

3 months

3 months today...missing you my sweet Sadie. oh how i wish i could hold you again. i'm so glad you are safe in the arms of Jesus experiencing the fullness and completeness of His love.